如何提現英語作文的主題？

Felix Liu2022-08-08 02:21:07

The power of confidence in life

I have a Magic Weapon

for Winning

named confidence。 It always leads me to success。 I

had

several pieces of experience

of such things， there

is one of them

about two months ago。 I had been told that I need to take part in a speech match。 I

prepare

carefully and

exercise

every day。

Everything

is

ready， but I think there

are

something I missed。

I walked up to the platform and

start

afraid。 Now I know what I missed： the confidence。 I told my self “Just do a deep breath and start the game！”

I didn’t win that day。 But I felt very well。 This is the power of confidence in life。

分析：不得不說前兩句都寫得沒什麼問題，而且還相當好——起碼我當年高中是寫不出來的。只是還有點小問題，前一句說for winning後面說success意思有所重複。個人意見刪去for Winning較好。這樣變成I have a Magic Weapon named confidence。 It always leads me to success。是不是好一點了？當然，還可以更進一步，將兩句合併——變成I have a magic weapon that always leads me to success。 It’s named/called/known as confidence或I have a magical weapon called confidence， which always leads me to success。感覺還可以再精簡下——Confidence is a magic weapon for success這樣。下來感覺時態亂套了，感覺思維有些凌亂。I had這個應該現在時態，而there is one of them 應該反過來是過去時態才對。而且，這個事情發生應該是動作而非狀態還是there is這種語氣很弱的表達。要麼都過去時態，那experience也過於抽象，要改一下。此外，第三句這個such things也沒有著落，such是指代上文的。後面prepare跟exercise是過去發生的，也應該用一般過去時，而且兩個詞意思有重複。後面句子there are是簡單語法錯誤應該是there is。再者，walked過去時start又是現在時？I know的時態也不對。還有，do a deep breath的do應該take才對，而start the game應該start your speech。

這還都是語言表達和語法問題，至於內容跟信心也不能說無關，應該說不夠具體。大體骨架不錯，但是缺乏一點血肉。

版本1

Confidence is

a Magic Weapon

for

success。 I

have

got

several pieces of experience

in this regard

。

A

bout two months ago

,

I had been told

to

take part in a speech match。

So,

I

prepared carefully

every day。

Everything

seemed

ready， but I

thought

there

was

something I missed。

I walked up to the platform confusedly。

Soon

I knew what I missed—the confidence。 I told

myself

“Just

take

a deep breath and start

your speech

！”

Then

I started speaking. At first my speed was slow and several words were uttered wrongly. But as I practiced more and more, I did a bit better. I built confidence in myself.

Though

I didn’t win that day

, I learned

the power of confidence in life。

體會：大部分

加粗

修改的都是文字表達問題。但是下面這幾句是補充具體細節：Then I started speaking。 At first my speed was slow and several words were uttered wrongly。 But as I practiced more and more， I did a bit better。 I built confidence in myself。 這樣文章就完整了。