Love Sinead O'Connor，我正在學習愛自己。我值得。我應該得到尊重

這是她的文字，在它簽名的檔案中：Love Sinead O‘Connor。

愛爾蘭時報，1993 年 6 月 10 日，星期四

我的名字是西尼德·奧康納。

我正在學習愛自己。我值得。我應該得到尊重。我不應該被當作髒東西對待。我值得被傾聽。我是人類的一員。我不應該受到傷害。

我的名字是西尼德·奧康納。我是一個女人。

我有東西要提供。對於我失去的童年，我一直並且一直為我感到悲傷。以及它的恐怖和暴力對我生活的影響。我為失去父親和母親而感到悲痛。我為失去我的兄弟姐妹而感到悲痛。我家的分裂。失去自我。我自己的內在小孩誰才是真正的我。（記住你不認識我）。誰被折磨、被遺棄、被吐口水和被虐待。誰被打得赤身裸體，直到她瘀傷。誰長大了沒有自尊心。沒有信任感。沒有親密的能力，因此他處於非常痛苦的狀態，需要觀察、解決和表達。這樣我就可以擺脫它對我生活的影響。種類繁多。我一直在經歷被關押的需要。我意識到這是我所有行為的管理者。既有生產力又有破壞性。這就是我週六沒有出現的原因……

我發現很難做我自己。來表達我的感受。為了獲得快樂，我需要釋放阻礙我的痛苦。如果我不這樣做，我將無法生存。如果我不這樣做，我永遠不會成為我能夠成為的歌手，只要我能愛自己。如果我能抗拒父母的聲音並獲得自尊心就好了。然後我就可以真正唱歌了。這是我比世界上任何其他事物都想要的。康復一直是我唯一的目標。

我在各個方面都使用了我的聲音。它是我的生命。我唯一放在兒子面前的東西。我已經擺脫了一生沒有被關押的痛苦。到目前為止。而當這次失落的感覺出現時，我決定不逃跑，而是和他們一起去。感受它們並釋放它們，以便擺脫它們。我必須做我自己。

我無法應付這一天的“Sinead O’Connor”。由於“出名”，我變得非常自覺和害怕。一個人看不到自己在鏡子裡的倒影。我迷失了自我。在我準備好做我自己之前，我不能唱歌。以下是您可以提供幫助的方法。請不要再傷害我了。說我的壞話。我從二十歲起就一直在公共場合。還是一個很傷心的寶寶。但那時我可以唱歌，因為我不害怕。

我知道我很生氣，但我充滿了愛，你真的認為你能停止傷害我嗎？它讓我窒息。請？我“出名”是個意外。但我認為這證明有很多人和我一樣。是他們的痛苦，他們在我身上聽到和看到的？- 表達使他們對那首歌或我的歌或我的聲音做出反應。

我代表一群人。我們被稱為成年兒童。我們這些失去童年的人。我們占人類的96%，信不信由你。我們非常痛苦。如果它要被治癒，就必須被表達出來，否則我們將繼續把我們的悲傷向內轉化，直到它變成憤怒，我們自毀。我們這樣做的方式也是多種多樣的！

客廳裡發生的一切都發生在公共舞臺上。非洲戰爭，愛爾蘭戰爭，波斯尼亞戰爭。你知道這位塞爾維亞領導人的父母在他還只是個鉗子的時候就自殺了嗎。他正在“表演”他從未處理過的憤怒和悲傷。我向你發誓這是真的。其他領導人經歷了什麼？我一直在努力提供這個資訊。因為我知道它可以幫助整個人類。

我在害怕之前就生氣了。我知道如果你能認真聽，你會發現我們不知道自己在做什麼。當我們嘲笑人類情感的表達時。當我們嘲笑孩子們的哭鬧聲時。有一面鏡子，我們沒有看到。

Sinead's Letter in THE IRISH TIMES '90

Here is her writing， in the paper it was signed with： Love Sinead O‘Connor。

THE IRISH TIMES， Thursday， june 10， 1993

My name is Sinead O’Connor。

I am learning to love myself。 I am deserving。 I deserve to be treated with respect。 I deserve not to be treated like dirt。 I deserve to be listened to。 I am a member of the human race。 I deserve not to be hurt。

My name is Sinead O‘Connor。 I am a woman。 I have something to offer。 I am and have always been carrying a lot of grief for my lost childhood。 And for the effects of its horror and violence on my life。 I am grieving the loss of my mother and father。 I am grieving the loss of my brothers and sister。 The division of my family。 The loss of my SELF。 My own inner child Who is really me。 （Remember you do not know me）。 Who was tortured and abandoned and spat at and abused。 Who has been beaten naked until she was bruised。 Who has grown up with no sense of self-esteem。 No sense of trust。 No ability to be intimate and who therefore is in very great pain which needs to be looked at and worked through and expressed。 So that I can be free of its effects on my life。 Which are many and varied。 I have been experiencing the need to be held。 Which I have realized Is the governor of all my behaviours。 Both productive and destructive。 This is why I didn’t show up on Saturday。。。 I find it hard to be myself。 To show my feelings。 To get to the joy I need to release the pain which is blocking me。 If I don‘t do this I will not survive。 If I don’t do this I‘ll never be the singer I am capable of being if only I can love myself。 If only I can fight off the voices of my parents and gather a sense of self-esteem。 Then I’ll be able to REALLY sing。 Which is what I want more than anything else in the world。 Recovery has always been my only goal。 I have used my voice in every way。 It is my life。 The only thing I put even before my son。 I‘ve run away from the pain of not having been held For all my life。 Until now。 And when the feelings of loss came up this time I decided not to run away but to go with them。 Feel them and release them So as to be free of them。 I had to be myself。 I couldn’t deal with being ``Sinead O‘Connor’‘ for the day。 I have become very self-conscious and frightened as a result of being ``famous’‘ One doesn’t see one‘s self reflected in the mirror。 I lost my Self。 I cannot sing until I’m ready to be myself。 And here‘s how you could help。 Stop hurting me please。 Saying mean things about me。 I’ve been in public since I was only twenty。 Still a very sad baby。 But I could sing then because I wasn‘t frightened。 I know I’ve been angry but I‘m full of love really do you think you could stop hurting me？ It is suffocating me。 Please？ It’s an accident that I got ``famous‘’。 But I think it proves that there are a lot of people out there like me。 It is their pain， which they hear and see also in me ？- being expressed which made them respond to that song or to my songs or my voice。 I represent a group of people。 Adult-Children we are called。 Those of us who have lost our childhoods。 We make up 96% of the human race believe it or not。 We are in very great pain。 Which if it is to be healed must be expressed Or we will continue to turn our grief inwards as we do until it becomes anger and we self-destruct。 The ways in which we do that are also many and varied！ What goes on in the sitting room goes on in the public arena。 War in Tibet， war in Africa， war in Ireland， war in Bosnia。 Do you know that the Serbian leader‘s parents killed themselves when he was only a nipper。 And he is ``acting out’‘ the rage and grief he has never dealt with。 I swear to you that this is true。 What have the other leaders been through？ I’ve trying to give this information。 Because I know it can help the whole human situation。

I was angry before I was frightened。 I know if you could really listen you‘d see that we do not know what we are doing。 When we mock the expression of human feeling。 When we scoff at the sound of our children’s keening。 There is a mirror into which we are not looking。